“So does he/she deserve another chance?”

Most relationships that end are often one-sided when it comes to who wants it to end.  Mutual breakups although they happen are not very common.  Most times depending on the reason for the breakup, one or both might want to try again.  You might want to do some soul-searching if you find yourself wanting to get back together with your ex.  Consider asking and answering yourself the following questions before you get back together:

  1. Why did the relationship end? The relationship ended for a reason, WHY?  You should be clear as to why it ended so that you can assess as to whether it would be a good idea to try it again.  Reflection is always good.
  2. What changes in your ex have occurred since the relationship ended? If there has been no change, trying again will likely result in a breakup.  The only person you can change is yourself.
  3. Do you think you deserve better? At times, we choose to be with someone for fear of being alone.  You should never settle for someone you are not compatible with, just move on.  If you were confident you could find someone else, would this person still be of interest to you?

Considering the questions above, if you decided that reconnecting with your ex is not a good idea, great.  You can move on with life and stop reading this blog post.  If on the other hand, you are convinced that it is ok to try it again, consider the following suggestions as you go through the process:

  1. Don’t beg or appear desperate, both are unattractive. This is not an impression you want to set in your relationship.  Try patience, prayer and waiting for things to naturally happen.  If you find yourself remaining in this state, it is probably a sign that you should end the relationship because you are not getting what you need anytime you have to beg or exhibit acts of desperation.
  2. Never play games. Silly rabbit tricks are for kids.  This shows a lack of maturity.  Your partner is likely to recognize the games and they will not get by them.  Be an adult and everything should be fine.
  3. Let your actions speak louder than your words. Remember talk is cheap and eventually the truth will surface.  Instead show them how much you have changed and matured.
  4. Listen.  God created you with 2 ears and one mouth for a reason.
  5. Always apologize when it is appropriate. You know when you should do so.  Swallow your pride and admit when you’re wrong because it benefits the relationship in the long run.
  6. Be romantic. It doesn’t have to be grand and expensive (well sometimes) just make sure it is a heartfelt gesture.  Move out of your comfort zone and put your partner first.
  7. Don’t hold on to the past. Leave the old relationship in the past.  Move forward in creating a new connection with your partner.
  8. Do something new. Again step out of your comfort zone and try a new restaurant or a different activity that you are normally not accustomed to.  You may be seen in a different light by your partner in a new environment.
  9. Always remember the good things. It is good to reflect on the positive memories from the past.

Determining whether an ex deserves another chance is a big decision.  If you decide to get back together it can be a challenge or a great idea as long as the decision is in everyone’s best interest.  Always have a plan and take things slowly.  The second time around could be a charm.

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